Funny Christmas Stories and Insurance Claims

 Christmas always provides the right ingredients to make a funny and memorable anecdote:

•  An Indiana man driving home from Christmas shopping was behind a car with a Christmas tree attached to the roof when all of a sudden the tree slid off and came crashing through his windshield. The other driver sped off and the police ended up telling him he might as well keep the tree. A free tree and a brand new windshield…not a bad Christmas.
• Try Before You Buy! Myra was going to the Christmas office party but needed a new party dress. In the clothing store she asked, ‘May I try on that dress in the window, please?’. . . . . . ‘Certainly not, madam,’ responded the salesgirl, ‘You’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.’
• A clever lawyer bought a pack of cigars and had them insured against all sorts of catastrophes including floods, storms, and of course fire. A few months later he filed a claim saying his cigars had all disappeared in a series of “small fires”. The insurance company correctly assumed that he had smoked them and told him to get lost. The judge however force the insurance company to pay up because they didn’t specify the type or size of fire in the contract.
• Who ate all the pies? Amanda Anderson and her dog Suki who likes mince pies. Most of us over-indulge during the festive period, but six-year- old cocker spaniel Suki took it a step too far last year. The pooch scoffed 12 mince pies while her owner’s back was turned, including the foil and packaging. Owner Amanda Anderson says: ‘I got home in the evening and she was lying on her back with her feet in the air. She was enormous – twice the size she usually is. I had to rush her to the emergency vet. She was sick all over my new car.’ The vet said there was not much more he could do. She was told to buy pills the next day which would help Suki pass the foil, which risked puncturing her gut. Care worker Amanda claimed for the cost of the pills and the trip to the vet – a total of £200. Unfortunately, the policy from More Than didn’t cover the cost of cleaning her car.
• Two Idiotic Reactions to Freezing Weather: [Don’t try these at home]        1) This is a true story about John Porter, from New York State, USA, whose pipes in his home froze one winter.  Anxious to unfreeze them, Mr Porter backed his car up to an open window so that the exhaust would warm up the house.A little while later and Porter, his wife and their three children had to be rushed to hospital suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning.        2) George Gibbs, from Columbus, Ohio, suffered second-degree burns on his head.  This is what happened one freezing cold winter morning.  Unable to start his car, George diagnosed the problem as a frozen fuel line which he thought he could correct by running warm petrol through it.  He then tried to heat a two-gallon can of petrol on his gas stove in the kitchen.  Ah…..
• Grandpa’s Christmas Story:  Grandpa decided that shopping for Christmas presents had become too difficult.  All his grandchildren had everything they needed, so he decided to send them each a check. On each card he wrote:       ‘Happy Christmas Grandpa’   P.S. ‘Buy your own present!’   Conclusion: Now, while Grandpa enjoyed the family festivities, he thought that his grandchildren were just slightly distant.  It preyed on his mind into the New Year.  Then one day he was sorting out his study and under a pile of magazines, he found a little pile of checks for his grandchildren.  He had completely forgotten to put them in with the Christmas cards.